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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Rage Against The Fuel-less Machines II

Its been ages since this humble writer wrote about the rising fuel crisis in the city of Kathmandu. (a.k.a Kats) But the lines are growing fat and long and the remaining fuel is dwindling faster than you can say "Dwi litre haal". In fact the fuel crisis has elongated so much that writers such as I are quickly running out of fuel crisis jokes. People just dont find things funny anymore. Only the ones that managed to get 5 liters of petrol the other night seem to crack a smile. Sajha should call the folks at Guinness World Records and apply for the spot of "the world's longest fuel line from a single pump". Maybe then, after receiving a cash prize from Guinness, our government will pay a little more money back to India and a little more fuel will enter the country. Even then scavengers along Mahendra Highway will have looted the tankers. Aside from those thugs, the greedy pigs who work for the NOC are the ones who should be whacked. The only people who are innocent are the ones who stay in line all night and dont cut it. That takes the total of innocent petrol consumers to 0%.

Its obvious that having only a fraction of the required amount of fuel is slowing life down in the city. Public vehicles are increasing the price as if it were a balloon that they could inflate not knowing when it would explode. But one must not be so pessimistic. Believe it or not, some people do make a fortune during such troubled times. The black market of fossil fuels seems to have boomed ever since the fuel crisis started. Thugs who steal fuel from bikes or loot fuel from the tankers have experienced a drastic increase in their daily income. Some idiots have reportedly paid up to Rs. 250 for one liter! Every time they see a man pushing his bike they give each other high fives ( much like two shorter and hairier Borats: UGH..!). Surprisingly the sale of roadside foods and drinks have also sky rocketed. Soda wala's, Badam wala's, and even those dirty carts having foods from Momos to chicken wings flock mercilessly along the line of bikes. Their usual menu:

We have:

Buff Sausage 15
Chickan Susage 20
Buff Mo:mo: 40
Mit Ball 20
Chij Balls 20

"Hijo rati line basera pani petrol napako haru lagi ispyesal dicscout upalabda cha."

Yesterday, Sajha Petrol Pump recorded it's largest fuel line. An estimate which was posted yesterday predicted that looting fuel from only 30% of the vehicles lining up for fuel there would fill at least one tanker. Nowadays people either spend their days staying in line or thinking about staying in line. Some of them also resort to stealing and buying from the buffed up black market, but that's a different story. Couples are increasingly showing up at Sajha. Dating in petrol lines have become the latest fad for the youngsters in Kats. It doesn't matter whose bike is in line, both of them have to wait anyway. To make matters easier, food and drinks are readily available at eye catching prices. For the older generations, Sajha petrol pump has become a social venue. Men and women above 35 are bound to meet at least a couple of relatives or old friends: a perfect chance to catch up on their 'guffs'.

Its amazing that big cc bikes still roam around the city, impervious of the crisis. A few days back a Suzuki GSX-R 750 and an XR400R were throwing each other mean looks and revving up their engines. But those two soon shut up as hundreds of people from the super long Sajha line started giving them stares. Clearly, now is not the time to waste fuel on egoistic street races, or soon you'll be pushing your sexy bike home, huffing and puffing it's name. Furthermore, the new Yamaha R1 with all its latest racing technology sure looks good but not as good as a Splendor with it's fuel needle right up at "Full".

Thanks to the vice president's "mother tongue" Kats is again going through a bandh spree, worsening the already depressing atmosphere-... (Further comments on this issue have been censored by "www.Nepal Hindustan Hamare Bharat Hi Mahan Nepali Janatantric") In addition to this bizarre event, the Inspector from Pulchowk police station threatened 'thetechportfolio' that it would arrest it's two bloggers if it didn't include at least one sentence of Hindi in it's latest article since Hindi is also a langauge of Nepal from now on. So here it is:
"Abbe oye Dadaji, tujne teri maa ki doodh piya hai to nikal ja yaha se. Wapas Ja warne Jungistan mei dhobi khayega. Gilli Gilli Auppa"


Read the Older Article Here


Saral Shrestha said...

A great post. I laughed till the end but then I stopped.

This is not something to laugh about. Yes, we might not run out of fuel jokes yet, but soon when people start giving birth and dying in fuel lines, then we might as well have to eat raw food and cook on firewood. But when all the green and forests are gone, we'll definitely have to eat each other. First one on the menu, Sugarika K.C; being a Former Miss Nepal, that too the prettiest one, she has to make sacrifices.

Getting to the issue.

Now, a tank full of petrol is a Far Cry. But the most disappointing thing is that, the ones worst hit are the poor, people like us...

Shame on you Oil Exporting Countries, Shame one you International Trade policies, Shame on you UN, Shame on us, for being so enduring.

Shraman said...

Exactly my point dude. It's stopped being funny. Im thinking of cutting down the nearest tree and saving it for winter just like the good old days. OR we could start smuggling gas and fuel from china. yes that is the answer. hawhawhaw