Bandhs: A New and Improved Formula

[b-awN-dh] adj.;
Bandh, also a Nepali word meaning 'closed', is a form of protest. While often means the closing down of markets of a city for the day, there have been instances of the entire nation coming to a standstill.
From www.nepalbandh.com
by Shraman and Saral.
[shraman]There was a time when people were people, bygons were bygons and bandhs were bandhs. If one wanted to elongate study leaves and project deadlines, bandhs were the answer. When was the last time you stayed home, relaxed and watched a whole innings of test match cricket? And before you know it, those leisurely times are long gone (sadly).

If history serves me correctly, it was Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi who started this method of protesting 'non-violently'. The old man inspired and captured the hearts of millions of people worldwide: even the great John Lennon wore the same spectacles that Gandhi wore. The protesters in Nepal needed a tool to fight with and Gandhi gave it to them by his means of 'non-violent' protest.

But if all I've said is nearly true then why the hell is everyone doing nothing? Nepal is going down a deeper and darker path than before. The country that I so dearly love is being run by dish washers and porters! This humble and honest writer isn't blindly being discriminant. But any sane person would agree with me when I say that the keys to the country should be held by people who are at least well educated, don't you think so? With that said and done, the fact still remains that www.nepalbandh.com 's visiting rate has plummeted drastically. (You must be thinking, what? Is there a website like that? Oh, yes there is. And its updated daily.)

This crap ain't cool. [saral] Especially if you have that hot date (not the same people like here, they have a different problem) and now, the date is bandhed! Not exactly the right grammar but it makes the point. So, why even after the horrid torture and the 'wooga booga', adverse effects, of bandhs, do we need them today?

The answer is simple, we need to keep ourselves warm in the winter, and burning tires does it best...Nope, that's not it. At least not entirely. The correct answer would be fuel; Yes, petrol, diesel, petrol + kerosene, and every expensive 'accessory' that goes into our vehicles. A change it vital my fellow brothers and sisters, we need to change our life styles. No more, racing that jaguar..car..., or going for long rides to the countryside. Save fuel save money, environment...

So, where does Bandhs come in all this mayhem, well let me do some maths;-

Nepal needs 126000 kiloliters, yes kiloliters, of petroleum products in a month! And the demand is rising.

So everyday, the demand in the market is 126000/30 = 4200 kilo liters everyday.

One day of bandh, we save 4200000 liters, 2 days 8400000 liters, 4 days of bandh? You do the math.

So bandh's not all, grumble grumble, uff uff, folks, a few here and there does help. Plus, think how we will be contributing to stop global warming...! Its a small effort but it is an effort.

Like always, you don't need to have the same views as I do, after all we are all different creatures. Now if we all had the same thoughts, the world would be peaceful, wouldn't it?

Repost

Rage Against The Fuel-less Machines II

Its been ages since this humble writer wrote about the rising fuel crisis in the city of Kathmandu. (a.k.a Kats) But the lines are growing fat and long and the remaining fuel is dwindling faster than you can say "Dwi litre haal". In fact the fuel crisis has elongated so much that writers such as I are quickly running out of fuel crisis jokes. People just dont find things funny anymore. Only the ones that managed to get 5 liters of petrol the other night seem to crack a smile. Sajha should call the folks at Guinness World Records and apply for the spot of "the world's longest fuel line from a single pump". Maybe then, after receiving a cash prize from Guinness, our government will pay a little more money back to India and a little more fuel will enter the country. Even then scavengers along Mahendra Highway will have looted the tankers. Aside from those thugs, the greedy pigs who work for the NOC are the ones who should be whacked. The only people who are innocent are the ones who stay in line all night and dont cut it. That takes the total of innocent petrol consumers to 0%.

Its obvious that having only a fraction of the required amount of fuel is slowing life down in the city. Public vehicles are increasing the price as if it were a balloon that they could inflate not knowing when it would explode. But one must not be so pessimistic. Believe it or not, some people do make a fortune during such troubled times. The black market of fossil fuels seems to have boomed ever since the fuel crisis started. Thugs who steal fuel from bikes or loot fuel from the tankers have experienced a drastic increase in their daily income. Some idiots have reportedly paid up to Rs. 250 for one liter! Every time they see a man pushing his bike they give each other high fives ( much like two shorter and hairier Borats: UGH..!). Surprisingly the sale of roadside foods and drinks have also sky rocketed. Soda wala's, Badam wala's, and even those dirty carts having foods from Momos to chicken wings flock mercilessly along the line of bikes. Their usual menu:

We have:

Buff Sausage 15
Chickan Susage 20
Buff Mo:mo: 40
Mit Ball 20
Chij Balls 20

"Hijo rati line basera pani petrol napako haru lagi ispyesal dicscout upalabda cha."


Yesterday, Sajha Petrol Pump recorded it's largest fuel line. An estimate which was posted yesterday predicted that looting fuel from only 30% of the vehicles lining up for fuel there would fill at least one tanker. Nowadays people either spend their days staying in line or thinking about staying in line. Some of them also resort to stealing and buying from the buffed up black market, but that's a different story. Couples are increasingly showing up at Sajha. Dating in petrol lines have become the latest fad for the youngsters in Kats. It doesn't matter whose bike is in line, both of them have to wait anyway. To make matters easier, food and drinks are readily available at eye catching prices. For the older generations, Sajha petrol pump has become a social venue. Men and women above 35 are bound to meet at least a couple of relatives or old friends: a perfect chance to catch up on their 'guffs'.

Its amazing that big cc bikes still roam around the city, impervious of the crisis. A few days back a Suzuki GSX-R 750 and an XR400R were throwing each other mean looks and revving up their engines. But those two soon shut up as hundreds of people from the super long Sajha line started giving them stares. Clearly, now is not the time to waste fuel on egoistic street races, or soon you'll be pushing your sexy bike home, huffing and puffing it's name. Furthermore, the new Yamaha R1 with all its latest racing technology sure looks good but not as good as a Splendor with it's fuel needle right up at "Full".

Thanks to the vice president's "mother tongue" Kats is again going through a bandh spree, worsening the already depressing atmosphere-... (Further comments on this issue have been censored by "www.Nepal Hindustan Hamare Bharat Hi Mahan Nepali Janatantric Forum.com") In addition to this bizarre event, the Inspector from Pulchowk police station threatened 'thetechportfolio' that it would arrest it's two bloggers if it didn't include at least one sentence of Hindi in it's latest article since Hindi is also a langauge of Nepal from now on. So here it is:
"Abbe oye Dadaji, tujne teri maa ki doodh piya hai to nikal ja yaha se. Wapas Ja warne Jungistan mei dhobi khayega. Gilli Gilli Auppa"

XD

Read the Older Article Here

The Nepalese Conspiracy

A break from staying in line for a few liters of petrol and the protests or price hikes and travel discounts; we have found a new agenda to Andolan on, whether our newly elected vice president is Indian or Nepali. It has brought a stir in Nepali politics and in all those who are truly Nepali; what if this whole 'taking oath in Hindi (Indian language)' is a conspiracy?

I watch a lot of movies, and spend heaps of time on T.V, and its quite fascinating how so much of the material (mainly suspense and cop movies/programs) is based on conspiracy theories. And I thought that this was only an American thing; the whole CIA, Undercover Cops, deep Undercover Cops, who shot J.F Kennedy, blah blah. But to my utter surprise, we have given birth to a whole new conspiracy. Is India our Final Destination? (Not exactly relevant but I'm somehow reminded of that movie.)

While the 'uff politics' might not enjoy reading this or might have already left, let me tell you something, politics is something very intriguing; some call it a dirty game some live and die on it, but most important, its everywhere - business, government, schools, football, your underpants. Everywhere.

There is no escape.

But mostly interestingly, politics is filled with conspiracies and this is what makes it exciting. You never know who is backstabbing, might be a member of your team, a friend, one never knows. Is Bush and Osama best friends? You are never certain.

While 'will India take over Nepal' has been a conspiracy since long, the recent oath of the Vice President Parmanada Jha in Hindi has heightened the theory. Its a clear truth that India has a certain interest in Nepal. But I think its not to 'take over'. Its just not possible to take over a country, not at this present age. Its a shame Tibet fell short of this age.

Another fact or suggestion that the Nepali conspiracy theorists are putting forward is that India is pressuring Nepal by cutting short the supply of fuel, to show that it can put life to a halt in Nepal. Its true that if we go to war with India...we'll all starve to death.

But to all those in petrol lines right now, vehicles with 'Red Number Plates' (Private Ones), get a life. You won't die if you don't get petrol. Cycle. Its healthy. Leave the fuel to Ambulances and Public Transport.

Talking about war. There a rumor that the Ex-King's forces are preparing for a fake war with the Indian, attacking the boarder areas. It is speculated that after the attacks, India will take over Nepal, having a valid reason.

There's another conspiracy for our readers.

Bandhs: A New and Improved Formula

[b-awN-dh] adj.;
Bandh, also a Nepali word meaning 'closed', is a form of protest. While often means the closing down of markets of a city for the day, there have been instances of the entire nation coming to a standstill.
From www.nepalbandh.com
by Shraman and Saral.
[shraman]There was a time when people were people, bygons were bygons and bandhs were bandhs. If one wanted to elongate study leaves and project deadlines, bandhs were the answer. When was the last time you stayed home, relaxed and watched a whole innings of test match cricket? And before you know it, those leisurely times are long gone (sadly).

If history serves me correctly, it was Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi who started this method of protesting 'non-violently'. The old man inspired and captured the hearts of millions of people worldwide: even the great John Lennon wore the same spectacles that Gandhi wore. The protesters in Nepal needed a tool to fight with and Gandhi gave it to them by his means of 'non-violent' protest.

But if all I've said is nearly true then why the hell is everyone doing nothing? Nepal is going down a deeper and darker path than before. The country that I so dearly love is being run by dish washers and porters! This humble and honest writer isn't blindly being discriminant. But any sane person would agree with me when I say that the keys to the country should be held by people who are at least well educated, don't you think so? With that said and done, the fact still remains that www.nepalbandh.com 's visiting rate has plummeted drastically. (You must be thinking, what? Is there a website like that? Oh, yes there is. And its updated daily.)

This crap ain't cool. [saral] Especially if you have that hot date (not the same people like here, they have a different problem) and now, the date is bandhed! Not exactly the right grammar but it makes the point. So, why even after the horrid torture and the 'wooga booga', adverse effects, of bandhs, do we need them today?

The answer is simple, we need to keep ourselves warm in the winter, and burning tires does it best...Nope, that's not it. At least not entirely. The correct answer would be fuel; Yes, petrol, diesel, petrol + kerosene, and every expensive 'accessory' that goes into our vehicles. A change it vital my fellow brothers and sisters, we need to change our life styles. No more, racing that jaguar..car..., or going for long rides to the countryside. Save fuel save money, environment...

So, where does Bandhs come in all this mayhem, well let me do some maths;-

Nepal needs 126000 kiloliters, yes kiloliters, of petroleum products in a month! And the demand is rising.

So everyday, the demand in the market is 126000/30 = 4200 kilo liters everyday.

One day of bandh, we save 4200000 liters, 2 days 8400000 liters, 4 days of bandh? You do the math.

So bandh's not all, grumble grumble, uff uff, folks, a few here and there does help. Plus, think how we will be contributing to stop global warming...! Its a small effort but it is an effort.

Like always, you don't need to have the same views as I do, after all we are all different creatures. Now if we all had the same thoughts, the world would be peaceful, wouldn't it?

Rage against the fuel-less machines

Its fascinating that only a few decades ago a "first four wheeled beast" rolled into Nepal. And here we are, after only a few decades later, queuing up in endless fuel lines. Blame the sinking-sunk NOC, Indians or Man-Bear-Pig but when the shit hits the fan its us common peasants who have to suffer. Of course His Maje- I mean Ex-King Gyanendra's probably never even seen a candle in his life or worried about filling his jaguar up. Well one things for sure, he's not going to cram his flabby buttock in a pathetic old shack like Nirmal Niwas. So why don't we forget the Shah dynasty ever existed and move on about our crappy lives, shall we?

A Kathmanduite female calls her boyfriend up:
"Hey sweetie, what are you doing today?"
"Lets see...ill drop by the office at around 10:00 am and head straight to Sajha Petrol Pump. After that we'll go for dinner at 8:00pm.

Yes, humble citizens of Nepal, this is our daily routine. Even insane young boys have quickly caught up to this new trend of queuing up in line for fuel: They race each other to the petrol pump and if they run out of fuel before they reach the pump, they'll resort to running, pushing. dragging their bikes. Last one has to kiss Sugarika K.C.

I know what you are thinking, let the NOC burn in hell. The NOC does this, the NOC does that. They cant help it if prices are blasting skywards! Tell me, would you rather wait 6 hours in line and pay 80 rupees per liter or would you prefer to hand over 100.5 bucks a liter and zoom in and out of the pump? Seems like we prefer to wait in lines and complain than solve our basic problems. Its the Nepali way, that it is.

The most fascinating thing is that the pumps are infested with so called "mileage wala" bikes such as XCD's and splendors while fuel guzzlers like Pulsar 200's fly around impervious of the fuel crisis. I even saw this dude rocket through the Hariharbhawan straight on an XR 400cc bike.

In reality, if problems like these never existed then Nepalis wouldn't have an excuse to drink carelessly, smoke weed and gossip. Until the next episode, I beg all our petrol hungry riders to go easy on the throttle 'cause life's like a fake Zippo lighter: some days it glows, some days it wont. Keep flicking it and never lose hope.

Photo: Mercantile